October 2023 – Audio Version

Our evening had begun with some slight awkwardness. A crevasse, not unpassable, had been opened amid my vulnerability and panic during our time apart. Our poignant conversation had been over text messages, and as so often happens, the black and white words, frozen in green bubbles, failed to convey the feelings I struggled to impart. My sentences could not offer the comfort of touch and assurance as I slipped on the slick surface of the glittering frozen relationship lake. I wondered if we would be okay. My heart thumped erratically as I waited for Jack’s arrival. 

I and my Inner Goddess were awash in relief as his initial kisses were vigorous despite our palpable insecurities. And then my Inner Goddess squealed in reassured glee when he scooped me up and carried me to the privacy of my room. I knew we needed to finish our openhearted conversation. Still, my Inner Goddess was relieved to have the link of intimacy strengthened and the affirmation of his affection before re-opening the doors of communication.

On the bed, I curled into his embrace as I pulled his lean form on top of mine, seeking the heat, strength, and need of his body against my own to quiet my fluttering heart. His embraces were just as ardent and devout as I remembered, and I lost myself in the quiet space meant for lovers. Our clothes were quickly abandoned, crumpled on the floor, and forgotten for the next hour as our arms and bodies intertwined, our souls lit by the glowing sunbeams of sunset. 

At his entrance, I wanted to cry, not out of pain, but because my core recognized the possibility of a long-sought-for connection a person so rarely finds in this life. Even in the clouds of misunderstanding, we still saw each other. For years, my overly romantic heart had sought for a moment such as this. Yet not merely for the inevitable sex that would leave me glowing and gasping for air but for the unspeakable communion of souls yearning for understanding and acceptance and finding it in another. Of having my wavering heart at last heard, honored, and respected. Had we indeed found comfort and solace with each other beyond the surface level of close friendship?

My thoughts blurred. I was lost in the depths of my peaking orgasm as Jack continued to piston within me, his panting breath sweet on my cheek. I buried my head in his shoulder above me, screaming and shaking. I loved the magnetism of his masculinity that heightened my sense of delicate femininity. My Inner Goddess reveled in full cathartic majesty. 

Unexpectedly, an urgent alarm notified me of an incoming call, while the pre-set tune alerted me to the urgency of the impending conversation. The situation was critical and demanded my full and immediate attention. With the utmost embarrassment and profound apologies, I extricated myself and raced to retrieve my mobile, desperately hoping my panting breath would not be audible to the caller. Even my Inner Goddess reddened, gathering her silken robe tightly about herself. The situation was quickly handled, and thanking the gods, I returned to my sanctuary beautifully flush in the late afternoon sunlight.

My profuse apologies were cut short as Jack pulled me into his arms, kissing and swearing he understood the needs and requirements of my position. My Inner Goddess was duly impressed at the immense pressure bulging between us. It seemed our unexpected interlude had not phased nor broken the bliss of our evening. Indeed, the sly grin on Jack’s face nearly took my breath away as he crawled between my legs, his eager lips seducing my swollen and still-needy pearl. 

While a gentleman, god, or werewolf might have immediately dived in. This was not Jack’s captivating strategy. Oh no, taking things to the next level and soothing away the moment’s embarrassment, Jack hovered over my body. His lips were as soft as butterfly wings as he nuzzled my breasts, cupping and fondling them with his fingertips. His bewildering regard for my body continued as he coursed over my torso and abdomen, gracing my flesh with kisses one should only offer to the highest goddesses. Eyes closed, I moaned at the attention; my erogenous zones peaked and came alive. While I longed to lose myself in an orgasmic fog, the lure of his slow, delicate treatment was both a boon and a sublime rush. His mouth on my skin insinuated I was a royal empress. The caress of his surging fingers on my nakedness left me feeling akin to a revered goddess. My breath came out in pale whispers and gasps. My eyes remained fastened as the room dimmed, but the enchantment sparkled about me.

How can I expound on the keen focus of his lips on my pearl and the following rhapsody that cascaded through every nerve? My fingers curled into the fluff of the snowy comforter, and my breasts heaved as the waves rolled over my skin, engulfing me in pleasure. I gave a silent prayer of gratitude that I had remembered to close the bedroom window as I screamed my barely muffled release into the downy pillow. Jack fulfilled his promise from earlier that day, spending an inordinate amount of time at the apex of my pearl. Executing tried and true maneuvers before offering new techniques to increase my pleasure. His skill drove my Inner Goddess nearly crazy in delight until I lay panting and limb over my bed, the comforter clinging to my damp body. 

I adored seeing the slight smirk twinkling in Jack’s eyes, rightfully proud of his skill. As his athletic form spread over me, my fingers pulled him into my needy arms. Together, we found the notes to our melody, the tune sure and pure as our bodies and souls united in a place sacred beyond description. 

In the heat of his impending rapture, I nearly forgot my own eruptive orgasm as I felt, through the protective shield, the swelling pulse of his imminent release. I fought my body to relax as my muscles convulsed in happiness around his lengthy glory, lest I eject him and unintentionally deny him satisfaction. All was well. With expressive sighs mingled with mutual chuckles and giggles, the passion ebbed. We melted into each other’s arms, ignoring our glistening bodies. My leg draped over his hip as I nestled into the firm support of his bare chest, exhaling in contentment. 

Our communication found a safe place in the enchantment and security of the afterglow. Our words and fears trickled through the windows until they flowed out the broad doors of our hearts as we freed our thoughts to each other. The anxiety and misunderstandings were carefully untangled with meticulous grace as we took turns bearing our souls. To my astonishment and utter disbelief, I felt heard and understood in a way my soul had believed no longer possible. A few of the tight stitches binding the tender wounds of my heart snapped in the consoling salve of Jack’s presence and shared vulnerability, causing my soul to breathe just a little easier.

I stared at my heart and my mind in bewilderment lost in disbelief at the healing of our conversation. Rather than wanting to run and flee from Jack’s responses, I found my nucleus relaxing and trusting, gliding on the frozen lake’s glittering surface. I took my time to ensure I did not speak from a place of orgasmic glory or ignored hunger. Yet once we were quietly sequestered on the couch, I found my pasta limp and void of flavor to my taste buds. My mind was elsewhere, contemplative, rolling my feelings over and over as my heart patiently waited in the shadows of the winking lights surrounding us.

The time had come.

It was not exactly as I had imagined it. My overly romantic heart had envisioned stage makeup and lacy midnight garments of the underworld or a scene set in a winter wonderland with shimmering Christmas lights, the scent of Fraser fir on the air as the cold nipped our noses. Instead, I found myself straddling his lap, his washboard abs outlined by his navy shirt. The room was positively still in the faint, saffron glow as bat wings ruffled almost silently around us, and Aragog’s children wove a lattice network above our heads. I pressed my forehead to his, our noses barely touching, feeling the brawn of his hands caressing my waist and hips. Tenderly, I felt his hands shift reassuringly to my lower back—a precious, intimate gesture pulling just a little closer. 

I breathed into the moment. Panic and trepidation suddenly waged war on my mind, threatening to undo me. Silent, Jack remained solid and stalwart, perhaps understanding the immense gravity I felt simmering over me as my tongue failed to form the words my heart was inclined to whisper. This was not a now or never moment. For a space, time was on our side. I felt the hushed murmur of the distant stars and even the presence of angels as they all held their breath, waiting to see what would transpire.

I was not even sure myself. My own breath was trapped within my lungs. My muscles quivered while my nervous system hummed in overdrive as my mind pushed back the demons. I paused to ascertain my true feelings. Was I merely caught up in the swelling emotions of our evening? Or were my instincts correct, and there was something more there? The points of each letter stuck in my throat. I inhaled. Somehow, before I knew it, the words effortlessly slipped and fell from my lips as smooth and soft as cashmere. Three little words that meant everything and yet, somehow, not enough.

My palms rested on the rise of Jack’s chest, his hands on my waist as our foreheads still pressed against each other. We breathed in the quiet space between heartbeats. My mind was unsure if Jack had heard me. My words had been so soft. Did I dare repeat them? Uncertainty niggled at my mind. Had I uttered the expression too soon? Had I misread the subtle signs, veiled hints, and little notes from him? 

“This was definitely the wrong time!” My Inner Goddess wailed, waving her hands in consternation.

Breath. Heartbeat. Space. 

Soothing me by my pet name, Jack tenderly crushed me to his chest and passionately covered me in kisses. My hands cupped his cheeks. I felt his warm, salty tears course over my thumbs as he opened the floodgates of a heart too long, restrained, and buried under lock and key. In the amber bloom of darkness, we bared our souls as never before, attaining a level our once-shattered hearts never dared to imagine. In our shared declaration, our sweet nothings were suddenly no longer nothing at all but blossomed into the possibility of everything we never believed possible. We clung to each other in the twilight, our hearts pumping in unison. 

In the inexpressible magic of the night, we were barely cognizant of the revolving world around us. Had we been, we might have seen the Moon Goddess brush a silver tear from her crested eyes as the stars danced and squealed their glee in joyous celebration at our confession. Who could have foreseen our evening taking such a turn as this?

Somehow, we found ourselves united once more, our bodies conjoined in sacred union flooded with our newfound vulnerability and relationship. However, my salacious Inner Goddess did take keen note that Jack’s jeans only made it as far as his ankles, a detail that drove her absolutely wild. Jack lay prone beneath me as I spread my body over him, lowering myself down his swollen sword. One mighty hand clasped my hip while the other pressed into the arch of my back. My fingers curled around his shoulders as my lips became drunk on his kisses. My legs clamped around his hips as I strained, losing control of my body in the might of my orgasms. 

When I wearied, and my thighs grew tired, Jack tightened his hold around my waist, both lifting and then pressing me down over and over until my pearl ground against the mound of his pelvis. I moaned and cried as I tilted rearward over his thighs, my back in an overextended curve as I held onto my heels behind me, riding his swollen glory in savage, feral need as our lust consumed us. I could feel the evidence of my repeated explosions dampening our thighs, and I blushed when Jack confided he could feel my nectar flowing down his robust jewels. My Inner Goddess wanted to do cartwheels. 

The magic around us was no longer the silken threads fashioned by the Moon Goddess’ own fingers, but this time, the strands were woven of our own choosing and credence. As we collapsed into one another’s bodies in exhaustion and disbelief, we marveled at the mysterious workings of the Fates. How winding and sometimes treacherous our individual paths had been before eventually leading us to our first meeting almost two years ago. The time had not been suitable for us, not then. There had been lessons to learn, and personal growth required time to strengthen and flourish. 

Once in bed, wrapped in the heavy weight of his strong arms and swathed in the happy energy of his beating heart, I took a moment to muse. Though walls remained and my fear of drowning through icy waves was still a source of anxiety, my heart felt settled. There was no regret or “buyer’s remorse” over my revelation. Though wooed with courtly attention, for months, Jack had restrained himself lest he frighten my fragile heart, carefully structuring his words and messages. I knew this. I could feel and read him on a level I cannot describe. With Jack, there was no coercion or pressure. In every word from his lips, patience, and understanding interlaced with the honesty of who he was and what he felt. 

In the darkness, he confessed he had been unsure I would reciprocate his feelings. Jack fully understood others had waited nearly a year for my hesitant heart to skate even a short distance over a frozen lake’s surface. Still undaunted by my walls, fears, boundaries, scars, and pain, Jack had not given up. He waited just outside the towering gates of my heart and mind, extending his hand to my quivering fingers when I tentatively stepped out of the lofty protection I had so carefully constructed for myself. 

Jack charmed me with a debonair smile and infectious laugh until I found myself smiling on the brink of happiness. On the lake, when I retreated to the shores for safety, my heart pounding in my ears, he had waited, skating close but not too close. Jack gave me space to process and only offered aid as I untangled the knots of my past, comparing past and present experiences until I felt secure to once more venture forward on the glittering magic of the lake. Though my ebbs and flows were often confusing, Jack never chided or belittled me. His care and concern enticed and beckoned me closer to him. Though timid, I wanted to hold his hand, twirling over the frozen sparkling surface of a relationship. 

Relationship. Why was that word so terrifying? Why did even speaking the words send me flying back to the safety of my fortress? It was not fair to Jack. Like my demons said, maybe I was too much. 

The darkness grew around us, and in the stillness, his quiet, even breath whispered on the bow of my shoulder as my mind began to spin. But what did it all mean? What did a relationship look like? Was there a plan? How could we make this work? What lay beyond the stars for us? What did all this mean for my Inner Goddess? 

“Hush, child,” chided the Queen of the Heavens as her silvery glow filled and cooled my sanctuary. “Fret not. What will be, will be. Now, rest in the comfort of the man who loves you and whom you love.”

Until next time, XO. Elsie