Year of the Inner Goddess

August 2023 – Audio Version

I thoroughly enjoyed our lighthearted conversation and delicious meal bursting with unusual flavors and combinations. Our shared bottle of Pinot Noir, “Chehalem, Willamette, Oregon 2020,” had me feeling supremely giggly and lightheaded on the drive to his home. Crossing his threshold, I had even convinced myself I felt peace and the weight of depression had lifted. 

As the Demigod stepped to refresh himself, I paused in the living room until he was out of sight and quickly slipped into the velvet cobalt négligée I had secreted into the house. I was adjusting the final strap over my shoulder as his silent footfalls brought the Demigod into the living room, startling me. Shucks! My Inner Goddess was instantly flustered; there was no time for a “come hither” pose, and I had yet to step into the tiny triangle of fabric for my goddess.

“I can go wait in the bedroom…” The Demigod snickered as I fumbled, abandoned the bit of triangle, and gave a silly pose, all while giggling over the whole situation. 

“No, no!” I entreated as I half followed, half chased the Demigod to his room. “I’m all set – this is all there is to see!” I gestured to my scantily clad body.

In the bedroom, he laughingly pulled me into his great arms as he leaned down to kiss me, crushing the velvet. I traced his muscles through the light cotton button-down. I know his body so well, but even now, I could tell his new workout regime was paying off, and his already considerable muscles bulged under my petite fingers. I slowly unbuttoned the train of milky buttons to continue my carnal investigation of his body.

The Demigod walked backward onto the bed, oddly still fully dressed, and reclined onto the pillows as he adjusted me over his hips. My Inner Goddess sighed in utter satisfaction as I settled down and resumed our salacious kissing. The crooning Norah Jones’esq playlist wafted about the room, the only illumination the flickering candle resting on the dresser.

“Funny how excited you are.” The Demigod teased.

I followed his gaze down. My tiny gown had ruched about my waist, exposing my smooth goddess as she rested over the cool fabric of his shorts. My Inner Goddess gave a mischievous chuckle as if she had planned the move.

“You know my body has needs and a mind of its own!” I retorted gaily.

My Inner Goddess bit her lip when I realized the Demigod’s shirt had worked its way down his back, yet his arms were still restrained within the confines of his sleeves. His naked chest, with its crop of salt and pepper curls, lay exposed, rippling in complete masculinity. There he lay, my very own romance cover model. I turned to catch our reflection in the armoire. Good heavens, we made a pair, even with him still mostly dressed. My Inner Goddess swooned at the sight while my mind, still warm from the wine, drooled like a silly fool. I stretched my form over his simmering body to partake of his honeyed kisses again.

The good thing about a wine-addled mind is that it left me feeling light and euphoric for the first time in days. The downside is that I cannot quite remember some of the transitions. One moment, I was on top; the next, I clutched the headboard’s iron curls as the Demigod dined on the glistening goddess above him. My toes curled at the intensity while the metal bit into my forehead as I begged and cried to the gods in my release.

In a blink, I was on my back watching the fan whomp, whomp, whomp above. The Demigod took his time between my spread legs, licking up and down the curve of my inner thigh, then the crease of my leg and goddess before a gentle tease at the outset of my pearl. My hips arched in earnest request, but the Demigod withheld the key to my next orgasm, choosing to tease up the length of my right thigh with kisses. I fought with my Inner Goddess as she demanded satisfaction, reminding her that the night was about seduction and connection. I sunk into the bed’s luxurious comfort, closing my eyes as I focused on the lips and hands roaming my body, my Inner Goddess still antsy in her need.

It really was silly of my Inner Goddess to be so impatient. With practiced ease, the Demigod’s tongue parted my lips, flicking and swirling my already swollen folds. My breath caught. I was already so very, very close to my release, but still, the Demigod held back, letting his tongue explore as his hands traced the lines of my body.

“Gods, I could enjoy this for the rest of my life,” I whispered to my Inner Goddess.

“I think you better hold onto something.” She responded, noting the change in Demigod’s adoration as he finally focused his skill on my wanton pearl.

Heavens, my Inner Goddess, was right! In seconds, the Demigod was devouring my goddess, arms wrapped around my legs as his fingers dug into my quivering thighs. I attempted to quiet my cry, jaw clenched in restraint, but the Demigod knew better and took it as a personal challenge to redouble his efforts until my joy overshadowed the lilting melody.

Eyes shut, I lay recovering in the peaceful quiet. The mattress groaned, and my body swayed as he positioned himself in a kneeling position, one knee against my right thigh, the other pressing into my ribs. His firm, thick hands slid the waterproof towel beneath me. Through my lashes, I noted the Demigod had removed his shirt and fitted summer shorts. My Inner Goddess pouted; we had missed his grand unveiling. His monstrous glory bobbed an invitation I willingly accepted, rising to my elbow as I cupped his jewels. My Inner Goddess began to pant, and my chest heaved as his fingers started the powerful dance over my inner jewel. Needless to say, my lips released their hold on his prominence as my orgasm struck, and hot nectar sprayed my upturned chin and trickled down his washboard abs. 

My screaming, open mouth was seen as an open invitation for the Demigod, for he left me trembling in my cooling pool of nectar as he walked around the bed to my head. Strong arms lifted my weak body to the edge of the mattress. My sapphire curls flowed over the side as he positioned his girth above my shameless open mouth. My Inner Goddess greedily reached for him, sampling the sweet nectar dripping from the distended tip, once more cupping his heavy jewels in both hands as his hips slid his might down my slick throat. I thrilled at the ease of the position and the incredible depth his glory strove for with each steady stroke. My fingers clung to his tight, rounded buttocks as I reminded myself to slowly breathe through my nose with every half-withdrawal of his sword. 

The Demigod increased his speed as he stretched over my body, teasing my ripe pearl. I sputtered and drooled down the corners of my mouth as I worked my tongue and sought to relax the contracting muscles of my throat. Over and over, the Demigod pumped his pelvis until my throat became raw. My Inner Goddess cheered with giant pom poms as the Demigod gave a final penetrating thrust, causing a sputtering choke on my part. The great god withdrew his glistening length from the depth of my throat with a growl.

“Stay right there.” He ordered. 

My Inner Goddess chuckled. We could not have moved even had I been ordered too! My bosom rose and fell as I sucked oxygen into my insistent lungs. There was a metallic whisper of tearing foil, and then his hands were on me, rolling me onto all fours. I shivered. The wafting fan sent its chill touch across my sopping-wet velvet as the negligee hung limply over my body. I attempted to draw it over my head but was interrupted by the Demigod sweeping his swollen head over my slick lips before gently easing within me. I moaned deeply as my body stretched to receive him, then turned sharp as his abundant head extended to my inner gate, catching me off guard with the pressure. I relaxed my internal muscles before pulling the cobalt garment over my head. Again, my actions were halted, the wet gown suspended around my arms. The Demigod, hands firm on my hips, had begun to drive with increasing agility until I screamed my orgasm into the depth of his pillow. 

When the Demigod slowed, allowing me to catch my breath, I slid the ruined garment over my arms and onto the bed beside me. I could not take another orgasm with the wet thing in my face. Though, my Inner Goddess did find it a titillating predicament.  

I turned to watch the scene unfold in the large mirror. My Inner Goddess swelled to bursting at the sight. The body of the great god was curled over my tiny form, one arm wrapped around to clutch my pendulous breasts while the other teased my conceited pearl as I supported his weight on my hands and knees. The Demigod’s hips never stopped thrusting as he grunted in my ear. I gazed in awe at the surging muscles of his massive oak-like thighs, the tight clench of his buttocks, and the lines of his lean, muscular back. I forced my head back into the pillow, resisting my Inner Goddess’ efforts. Her gaze was locked on our bodies, but the thundering swell of my orgasm could only be withheld for so long. Careless of the state of my makeup, I howled into the soft fibers of the pillow. 

The Demigod gathered every sapphire lock within his vast hand, ferociously gripping and twisting the roots and eliciting a squeak from my raw vocal cords. Over dinner, we had agreed to spend the night making quiet, sensual love. As the evening progressed, my Inner Goddess chuckled. Maybe slow and sensual was just not our thing.

And then my mask slipped and crumpled to the dark wooden floor beneath us. 

I am sure a therapist could explain why the occurrence of physical pain acts as the linchpin for internalized pain. My hair twisted tight, the demanding power of the Demigod pounding against my buttocks and reaching my tender inner gate with every thrust shattered the high wall, lockbox, and mask I had in place with the terrifying force of a Tsunami. The unleashed torment was so immense my wail was soundless as my eyes poured rivers of tears onto the white sheets below me. I inhaled a deep breath inaudibly before my noiseless screaming continued in the upheaval of my laboring body and the barrage of the Demigod behind me. With gratitude, my Inner Goddess noted my sapphire waves, which utterly curtained my face’s anguish. 

The pain possessed me, warring with my Inner Goddess for dominance of my mind, body, and spirit. All the while, the unsuspecting Demigod continued his colossal assault. The mute screaming continued, exhausting the very air within my lungs. My Inner Goddess was helpless, and my reeling mind had nothing to do with the earlier Pinot. Every day, my grasp on my emotions slipped away a little more, my mental stability akin to brittle glass as the weight of the world tore at me. Bloody and nearly beaten, my Inner Goddess played her last card against the agony—the memory of the Storm Night. The Demigod had dropped everything – everything –  cradling me in his arms for hours before making gentle love to me. According to my Inner Goddess, our casual relationship decreed that I could not ask the Demigod again for aid a second time. 

“Hide the pain. We don’t want to burden him for help.” My Inner Goddess weakly declared. Sadly, this time my suffering was also her agony. “Present the strong, confident succubus. Hide the crazy. Don’t let him know anything better.”  She said as she once more slipped my mask over my swollen and dripping face.

My voiceless screams were replaced with moans and cries of pleasure as my mind registered the events happening to and within my body. Slowly, I returned to my orgasmic release. The Demigod said nothing, unaware or thoughtfully allowing me space to process.

I vaguely recall the Demigod withdrawing and being negotiated onto my back. Standing at the side of the bed, the Demigod wrapped my legs around his thighs. He is much too tall to wrap them about his standing waist and leaned over my abdomen as he took his smooth pleasure in his dexterous hand. My Inner Goddess had the presence of mind to fondle my right breast, bringing the pert nipple to my mouth, sucking loudly as he watched. In what felt like mere moments, creamy sugar shot forth in long ropes, coating both breasts and throat. I watched his sculpted chest heave as his hand continued to tenderly stroke his slowly resting glory.

“Come,” I cooed. “Lay with me.” I beckoned.

“In a moment…” His steps were heavy as he moved to the other side of the room. 

My confusion lifted as he returned with a small towel and began to caress my skin, whisking away the evidence of his eruption. With a great sigh, he moved onto the bed. My Inner Goddess blushed at the intimacy of the gesture and pulled him into the comfort of the bed and my arms. 

Once more, the hovering flame of the candle and crooning melody prevailed within the four walls. The Moon Goddess cast her enchantment over us as the nobel Demigod cradled my head into his chest. From his light whiffling, I knew that the Demigod had dozed off, but I did not realize I had done the same until he was gently nudging me. 

I do not know how it came about, but in the dark security of the room and reassurance of his arms, my weak heart began to pour out between the slits of my mask. The next thing I knew, my dark confession was out as hot tears traced over my cheeks and coursed down his shoulder as he held me. The Demigod listened and, in his deep vibrato, asked a pointed question here and there for clarity. My Inner Goddess had thrown up her hands in despair and stepped away at the sight. Why could I not hold it together for just another ten minutes?! I was truly a hopeless case, and my embarrassed, flaming cheeks knew it to be true. 

After sharing his thoughts and estimable perspective, in the voice of a concerned friend, the Demigod exacted two promises from me. 1. I would not return home and complete any homework but slip straight into bed. 

“Number 2. You are putting too much pressure on yourself and already carrying a 4.0. Give yourself some grace.” The Demigod brushed his long fingers through my limp hair. “Something has to give, and it’s okay if your classes take a back burner. You’re not living; you are just surviving.” 

My mind was unsure how to respond. I had to succeed in my classes. My entire future was hanging in the balance. What he asked seemed nearly impossible. 

After a few more moments of whispered encouragement, we rose. In the dimness, I hurried to the bathroom to attend to my runny eyeliner and dripping nose. At my Inner Goddess’ insistence, I did a quick upside-down tousle of my curls to elicit some semblance of volume to my bedraggled waves. With a flourish, I whisked my handkerchief summer dress over my head, settling it neatly over my hips. 

The Demigod procured a third promise from me to notify him once I arrived home and a recommit to my first promise about going straight to bed. Once more, his tall frame dwarfed my petite body as he bent to kiss me, hands heavy on my lower back. Despite my dark confession, I was relieved that the Demigod had not pulled away but was holding me close to his chest once more. I leaned into him for one more lingering kiss before stepping into the muggy night and my waiting conveyance. 

My Inner Goddess sat in the passenger seat, arms folded across her chest. Not angry but not pleased either. The darkness enveloped us. Not even the stars had come out to dance. The night had not been my finest moment. 

“I know,” I whispered into the somber silence. “I’ll fix us.”

“I hope so,” she murmured back. “For our sake, I hope so.”

Until next time, XO. Elsie